And the Boomtown Rap Silver Spoon Best Perth Food Critic Award goes to…

It’s taken me a while longer to get this post up than intended. Was doing some stretches on the floor a few days ago and my lower back went into the most excruciating spasm. Have been shuffling around bent over like a reading lamp ever since, unable to tolerate more than a few minutes at a time seated in front of the computer lest my back seize up and weld me to the chair. A spinal version of that dire risk face-pulling kids are traditionally warned about of the wind changing and freezing them in some grotesque grimace for life. Gotta stand. Back in a few minutes…cre-e-e-eak…

Last post I awarded the inaugural Boomtown Rap Wooden Spoon for worst food critic in the West to one Ms Jacqui Bahr, of The Vincent Voice. Ms Bahr can take some solace in having inspired the creation of this award – at least her “winning” review was remarkable, albeit remarkably bad. Most of her food critic brethren and sistren in Perth are so mediocre, so bland, as to be unworthy of any comment at all.

There is but a solitary shining light among local food critics, representing a glimmer of hope and comfort like Gatsby’s green light across the bay to the few who, like me, actually care about such things. I refer to…drum roll… Continue reading And the Boomtown Rap Silver Spoon Best Perth Food Critic Award goes to…

Now THIS Is Hard to Stomach!

You know those annually issued gold books full of restaurant discount vouchers that every second bozo whips out like a hidden derringer when settling the bill? You hope the junior waitperson is on at the cash register when you pay, because if it’s the restaurateur, there’s this sense of false cheer (and occasional outright resentment) when they spy your voucher and realise that their profits are going to be lighter the weight of the discount.

I don’t like using the vouchers for that reason, but maybe that’s just me and my guilt complex. I know a couple who swap vouchers with other gold book holders to accumulate multiple discounts at their favourite eateries, where they unashamedly front up with apparently endlessly materialising vouchers time after time. Whatever…

Boomtown Rap regulars will be familiar with my financially undernourished state of being. Without the assistance of the gold book discounts, I would only rarely be able to indulge my love of eating out. I don’t get The Book every year, but I’ve bought it enough times to have tried out a fair sample of Perth restaurants that under non-discount circumstances would be out of my price range. And I have to say, my impression is not generally favourable. Continue reading Now THIS Is Hard to Stomach!

The Age of Conspiracy Theories?

Had dinner with friends a few nights back, and during the extended wine soak that followed conversation got on to one of my TV unmissables, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. For the uninitiated, each episode of RKN features foul-mouthed and tempered UK celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay troubleshooting a struggling restaurant and seeking to turn business around inside a week.

Recalling some of Ramsay’s spectacular irascible moments – eg: throwing Joan Collins and her food critic companion out of his restaurant; bellowing something along the lines of “fuck me, who the fuck do you think you are, you arrogant French PIG” into the livid face of a blinking continental chef resisting advice – we chuckled heartily (veritable beacons of humanity that we be). But then from across the table came a comment that sliced apart the bonhomie of the night like a Gustav Emil Ern carving knife:

”Of course, it’s faked. Those new recipe recommendations Ramsay comes up with to save the day…well, they wouldn’t really be his.” Continue reading The Age of Conspiracy Theories?

movie reviews + occasional other musings