Two Cheers For Rudd

The countdown to Howard’s demise is now on – and way past time. Here’s hoping Maxine wins Bennelong and turfs the little prick right out of parliament. But as a Labor voter (actually, I’m a Greens sympathiser, but vote Labor in a bow to pragmatism), something’s not right. I’ve realised I relish far more the prospect of Howard and the Libs getting their butts booted than that of an ALP victory.

Why? Rudd!

He reminds me of Mr Sheen, running around waxing and polishing the arses of the electorate, reading to kids here, kissing babies there, being ever so carefully personable and mild everywhere. I want to punch him in the nuts and see if his expression changes. Christ, he could be a South Park character – one-dimensional, fixed grin, wobbling head, quothing mildly “Libs are bad…mm-kay?”

Compare him to Keating, Hawke, Whitlam. Love ‘em or loathe ‘em, you’d never accuse them of being mild. The three of them were weighed down by massive egos, but the upside, especially with Whitlam and Keating, was that they had the guts and self-belief – nay, arrogance – to project a boldness of vision. Risky, showing your hand in politics, but these guys were high stake players and led their aces. Rudd’s a ponce by comparison, merely taking care not to make mistakes.

Rudd’s whole campaign has been so carefully orchestrated, leaving nothing to chance. It’s been obvious for quite a while that the Libs’ use-by date is up. This is Labor’s unlosable election, and they’re making damned sure they don’t snatch defeat from the jaws of victory as Hewson did in 1993. Just play it safe, Kev, and you’re in. Bland is best. Grawk!

Unfortunately for the Libs, they don’t have an assassin with the killer class of Keating, who with his “politics of division” comment brilliantly gunned down Hewson as he lunged for the finish line (assisted, it must be said, by Hewson’s last minute bungling with his GST explanations – who can forget the birthday cake fiasco?).

Keating once cruelly and hilariously observed: “Canberra is full of people who are shooting rockets and end up falling to the ground as dead sticks.”

Rudd is shooting nowhere. Don’t expect fireworks from him once he’s in the Lodge, either. Two cheers that Howard’s finished, but I’m reserving the third – it’s hard to get excited about the prospect of a dead stick as Prime Minister.

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