Oh, but it’s been a while since I started off the week with a good guffaw. And the source of all this belly-wobblin’? This report from good ol’ PerthNow of none other than Bono labelling Coldplay’s Chris Martin a wanker!

That would qualify for obvious remark of the week coming from anyone but Bono. But BONO calling anyone else a wanker? HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!!! …cough splutter conniption…HAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWWWWRRRGGHHH!

World Number One Wanker Bono made his observation about Martin’s pud-polishing credentials during a UK radio interview, subsequently tempering his charge thus:

“He’s (Martin) obviously a completely dysfunctional character and a cretin, but he happens to be a great melodist and up there with Ray Davies, Noel Gallagher and Paul McCartney.”

Wot? Ray Davies, Noel Gallagher and Paul McCartney? Fuck a low-flyin’ Irish duck! Can you pick the odd one out of those three, kiddies?

Not only is this Bono bloke a prime paddy plonker, a poseur and a self-righteous, inflated bore with a whiny, needling vocal tone and an outrageously over-rated band – his taste is a little, er, wanting n’est pas?

And as a lil’ addendum to the unsavoury theme of this post, while neither Bono nor Chris Martin’s individual strop status is in any doubt, U2 must qualify for some sort of special award in the rocknroll wanker bands’ hall of shame for their efforts in TWICE aping the Beatles’ legendary performance on top of Apple’s London headquarters in 69 – less in homage, one suspects, than out of a carefully planned business-driven promotional strategy. Not content with one pale facsimile – their Republic Liquor Store rooftop performance in LA in 1987 – a couple of days back these Irish twats duplicated the effort from the top of BBC Broadcasting House in London.

What’s next, tossers – on a barge down the Thames doing God Save The Queen?