Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm…!
We shoulda known. The intense self-focus, delusions of grandeur, messiah complex, conversation-bogarting…the bloke’s perpetually off his gourd on hooch! Well, I dunno about you, but I found that admission on Q&A inspiring. So much so I was moved to verse.
To the tune of I Love To Have A Beer With Duncan (and with due apologies to Slim Dusty):
I’d Love To Have A Spliff With Malcolm
I’d love to have a spliff with Malcolm
I’d love to have a spliff with Malc
He’s a jokey bloke with a nose for coke –
That powder on his bathroom shelf’s not talc
CHORUS
He scores from the Young Lib parties
Where the eccy tabs are great
With an E and a bong of hydro
He’s everyone’s mate
I’d love to have a spliff with Turnbull
I’d love to have a spliff with Turns
He rolls an expert number
And never comes down with the dope he burns
CHORUS
And when it comes to munchies
He sends out for the best
My vote’s with loaded Malcolm
A head of the rest
I’d love to have a spliff with Malcolm
I’d love to have a spliff at Mal’s
And hear him spruik his vision
Of a land of doped out stoner pals
CHORUS
When he got to the Republic
We’d break out in full song
Advance Aw-bloody-stralia
And pass me the bong
Blame Friday.