Came across a shocking report on news.com today of a Darwin mother dobbing in her serially offending 16 year old son to the cops for stealing. Not only that – she was hoping “the little bastard” would be thrown in the clink, and bemoaned the leniency of the justice system when junior received only a finger tap on the wrist. She was quoted thus: “It annoys me that my taxes are being spent like this. You do the crime, you do the time. It’s the only way you learn.”
Told ya it was shocking. A parent of today advocating her brat be made to face the consequences of his actions? That her own progeny be forcefully educated on the notion of personal responsibility?
Then again, her little shit isn’t a jock, and you’d hope her attitude would be different if he was. Jocks, remember, are a protected species in the wide brown land, born faultless. But we call ourselves a democracy, and one of the great flaws of our system is that we have to pretend to treat everyone approximately equally. One of the rotten fruits of this utopianism is the sort of legal egalitarianism that poor Nick D’Arcy and poor Barry Hall have recently fallen victim to.
Fuck me, talk about slaughter of the innocents. Poor Nick D’Arcy’s Olympic dream has been shattered. True, also shattered was Simon Cowley’s jaw, nose, eye socket, cheekbone, palate and teeth, but poor Nick was celebrating his Olympic selection when he hammered his elbow into Cowley’s ugly mug unprovoked, ferchissakes. Can’t a boy have a few drinks? Whose judgment hasn’t been a little impaired by over-socialising? Poor Nick’s a victim of alcohol. And he’s a jock! This fucking has-been troublemaker Cowley shouldn’t have had his mug so close to poor Nick’s elbow. He was a cranial implosion begging to happen!
And what responsibility does Cowley have to shoulder while poor Nick is facing court and mourning the broken corpse of his Olympic dream? None! He’s got months of bludging in front of him, sucking Mummy’s fruit juice through a straw while his head mends. The lazy prick!
Coach Brian Stehr slammed poor Nick’s dumping from the Olympic swimming team as a “life sentence” that was not “a reasonable or fair outcome” (quoted in online report from The Australian). Pressed for specifics, he elaborated with the observation: “He may never swim again. I won’t be at all surprised if he just gets back to his education, which has been on hold for three years, and gets on with that.” An outrage, no less, that a jock should be damned to such a fate!
But more pertinent by far was another comment of Stehr’s that brings the AOC into disrepute for their hysterial over-reaction to poor Nick nudging that Cowley bastard’s ugly mug, and makes a mockery of the very justice system. He stated that poor Nick “never goes out looking for trouble – unfortunately it’s found him on a couple of occasions in his life.”
There you go – straight from the coach’s mouth. D’Arcy is innocent! Trouble found him. What was he supposed to do in those harrowing circumstances, caught in Trouble’s spottie like a blinded bunny wabbit?
So who’s really to blame here? Let me spell it out! Alcohol, Cowley, Tim Peach (the cowardly Sunshine Coast surf lifesaver who used his nose as a lethal weapon of assault directly targeting poor Nick’s fist on one of the previous occasions when trouble hunted down him down) and – Trouble itself! Not poor Nick D’Arcy.
Our jock has been crucified by those who know not what they do. Poor Nick’s father has been trying to convey that simple truth in his press statements, and he’s a doctor, so listen up. From Daddy D’Arcy, coach Stehr, poor Nick’s friends and me, a shouted plea in chorus – LEAVE THE BOY ALONE!
Then there’s Barry Hall. Aww, let’s put those affectionate adjectives in – “big bad Barry Hall”. BBBH is beyond mere jock: the man is the embodiment of nobleness itself.
In his own words, he’s “copped it on the chin” (this selection of Bazza’s from the worn book of jock metaphor cliches is nothing if not appropriate and topical) with a 7 week suspension from the AFL tribunal for his haymaker on Brent Staker. OK, but where does ‘noble’ come in?
Like poor Nick D’Arcy, BBBH was innocent! He wasn’t responsible for laying a king-hit out of the blue on an unsuspecting Staker – it was a “brainsnap”! Otherwise known as a “brain explosion”! Yet blameless Barry has taken his 7 week penalty with the grace of a saint.
Consider this. Is an epileptic personally responsible for making a spectacle of themselves and inducing a sense of discomfort and/or disgust in those unfortunates in the immediate vicinity when they throw a grand mal on a train? Nyet? Are they then suspended from using the train system for 7 weeks? Nein? Then why pick on BBBH!?
Put more nanny in the nanny state, I say! All heil poor Nick D’Arcy, Big Bad Barry Hall, Benny “Cuz” Cousins, Anthony “Boof” Laffranchi, Brendan “The Fev” Fevola…I’ll stop there…that lineup’s starting to sound like characters from Underbelly.